So it's been a while since I've updated anything about my life. But here I am. Not because I got ground-breaking news, but because I have nothing better to do really. blogged at|8:23 AM|
Later at 1.15 pm, I will have another interview at Sasha's Bear, a bear boutique - how cute is that seriously? They are hiring a sales associate or something like that, and I hope to get it. It's kinda nice to be surrounded by bears every day. I like it. And obviously, when your shop is selling bears, people who come in want to buy bears, and people who want to buy bears are happy people because people buy bears either as gifts or for collection. Even if they were moody to begin with, coming into a shop full of BEARS will definitely put a smile on their faces. So not only will I be surrounded every day by bears, I will be surrounded by happy people too. Sounds really good to me.
But later at 3 pm, I will have another interview at Grand Orchard Suites as a front desk receptionist. Sounds cool too - I probably will get a nice suit for a uniform every day. And the place must be really grand and gorgeous - it's a freaking suite, of course they gotta live up to suite standards. Gold chandeliers... marble floors... Victorian furniture, that sorta thing, you know? I think the pay would be great, and I have no problem conversing with clients as long as I am: a) just as tall as them which I probably would be considering the heels I would gladly wear every single day, and b) I am just as important and high-up-there as they are because apparently, the clients would be those Caucasian people, and rich Singaporeans who couldn't resist a night at a hotel. I mentioned how I can't stand these kinda people at the manicurist store? Well this time, I will not do their nails nor their feet. I'm gonna provide them information to their room which they REALLY NEED. Now that's how I feel high-up-there as well.
Unfortunately, I have a feeling that I may not be able to start school once I start working. The hours are going to eat up my entire day and hence, I can't school. Sasha's Bear working hours are from 11am to 7pm, but I don't know about Grand Orchard Suites. As a HOTEL receptionist, I can expect long working hours or even shifts. I don't know, I really don't know - what I know though, is that I still need to get hold of one of them. The bears, or the gold chandeliers. Both make me happy. So...
Oh well. Maybe I might not even get one at all. But I won't be pessimistic now. I really can't. I need to attend each interview like I own it. I will curl my hair again later because I find my straight hair a little limp and too adolescent (not to mention rebellious because of the colour) - but after curling, the colour will not be an issue anymore, for some reason, because it's like as if curls are meant for brown and lighter hair, not jet-black which my hair naturally is. -_-
Jet-black hair is nice but... not for pale people like me. I'll look like an extension of the Addams family.
Anyways... I am experiencing a couple butterflies in my stomach. GOD. Why am I feeling so anxious? It's just another INTERVIEW. Okay, make it two. But everytime I leave an interview without getting the job, I will actually feel angry. MAD. Resentful because I feel degraded - like they couldn't count on me to do a good job which I bloody hell can. I believe in myself. That's what I strongly hold for. No one can really change my beliefs other than people I care about, and whom I know care about ME. Why waste your time on people who wouldn't give a damn if you're still alive or dead? But that's not the point - I am just going to do my best later, show the best and most professional side of me (hehe... XD) and grab a job. Man... someone help me. I need a drive.
Okay, I had a talk with my mom too just now. It's about marriage and how a couple can keep the flame burning, one of which is to hug and kiss each other before one of them goes to work, which usually is the husband. This is a sort of motivation for the husband, who is going to leave his comfort zone, which is the house, for something more different and challenging outside at his workplace. And I was telling my mom how she DOES understand in the end. She really does - the energy, motivation that the husband gets, is something I hunger. Okay, this may make me sound like some... whatever, but I don't care anymore what anyone has got to say or think about me, but I need that. I need that motivation, that energy that can keep me going, and somehow, it can only come from a special guy, someone whom I can share my romantic and honest and truthful side with. It'll be like I have something to look forward to every day. I bet Chester got that from his first wife too. I bet Mike got it from Anna. And I bet any other normal human being on earth gets that from their significant other.
After that talk with my mom, it only made me see more clearly what I truly lack - which is that. I am human. I am normal (or at least, I'd like to believe XD), and I hunger for that drive, that energy too. I feel so dry and weak without it. But what can I do? I can't sit around hoping for that special guy to come by one day. Right now, I guess I got to be strong. Yeah... easier said than done, but can anyone suggest me something else instead? It's like those typical women who come home after work at night and flop into their couches, and then stone a while as they realize the cloak of painful solitude that is slowly but surely suffocating them as they sit there all alone. It's happening to me, HAS happened for years now. No wonder I look older than my age by at least 3 years. My mom was saying how the energy my dad gets from her keeps him looking young LOL. (He looks 40 when he's really 60 in 2 years' time) That energy could be the answer for staying forever young I swear.
Okay, I think I've blabbered too much already. I have to go now and... do whatever. Sing? Yeah, I like singing. Some songs seem to understand me but they don't really. It's just the right choice of words sung at the exact moment I needed it.
...
Okay, maybe some songs do understand me, but it hurts to know that the doc can only say what I am suffering from, without giving me the medication. And I want that medication.
Peace.